What is the difference between guilt and grief when you lose a pet? Grief experts say there is almost always a feeling of guilt when you lose a pet: Did I do too little? Did I do too much? Was he in pain? Should I have euthanized her/him sooner? Should I have waited a little longer, just maybe things would have changed for the better. Should I have borrowed money to get better medical care?
With grief you feel a great sadness; a very deep lost, and can easily go into a state of depression especially as a result of a death of your pet whether it was from an accident or some horrible disease.
Guilt is the emotion I think pet owners feel more than anything. I know I did and sometimes I find that the “guilt trip” is so very hard to get over. The experts say “the most vital step in coping with the emotions you will feel upon the loss of your pet is acknowledging them. “Let yourself feel-write down your feelings, cry, be angry.”
So this is my acknowledgment…I have had all the emotions except for anger. The truth is I cannot get myself together. Inside I am dying I cry mostly when I am by myself throughout the day and night because I don’t want to upset anyone. Of course I sometimes lose it at work when they ask me how I am doing. Then I go outside to get myself together and go back in, it really doesn’t take much of anything for me to cry. I am trying hard not to show how bad I am felling but it is so hard. Nobody can really understand the turmoil I am in or how much I am suffering from losing my Moebert. Words cannot begin to cover my pain the emptiness I feel inside.
My mind just won’t let it go and my heart just can’t accept what has happen. I know in time it will get better at least that is what I am hoping for, that one day I can forgive myself for letting Curley and especially my Moebert down. All the time that I was worrying over Curley (which I don’t hold that against him) my Moe was also having a battle with cancer and I never saw it coming. I never got to hold him and tell him day after day that I loved and that I was so sorry that this had happen to him like I did Curley knowing that our final days together was coming.
I feel so bad that Moebert died in a strange Emergency Animal Vets and not peacefully at home like Curley. (I think that haunts me more than anything). I wonder if the stress of the ride in the back of the Blazer by himself caused him undue stress, (I talked to him all the way down the road and I know people probably thought I was crazy) or that being taken back to a strange room on a gurney might have caused him go into cardiac arrest. I feel so bad that I wasn’t there to pet him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him when he died. Of course while I was waiting for them to come out to get him I was kissing him and telling him how much I loved him that he couldn’t leave me that it would be okay they are going to help him… but it wasn’t the same as being there at the very end. Curley saw us and not some strange room with strangers. (That haunts me).
The vet said even if I would have brought him in earlier that day there would have been really nothing they could have done. He seem find the days before even though he was really having what I thought were anxiety attacks he always did paw the rug but the last couple of days he was pawing more often when he would lay down, but then he would be up and be his normal self. (A happy little dog.) But maybe that was a sign that I should have picked up on but I thought it was also his way of grieving for Curley. Not knowing that he was having problems inside of his own.
When I started writing a blog to help people with problems they were and are having with their pets and even with problems they were having with their own health. Giving them choices on healthy products and solutions instead of all the others drugs and foods out there that are harmful to their bodies. When this happen to my dogs I thought to myself that I am a good one to give information to people, I can’t even help my own pets.
Experts say that guilt can distort your self-image, can destroy your self-confidence and can undermine your strength. That statement has been so true when it comes to me, not only was I so devastated over losing my Moebert and Curley I lost all my confidence, my strength in my beliefs that I might be able to help people and informed them on products that could do more harm than good.
When I do a follow-up on Moe’s death I will list my questions and my answers. I will also include what else one should look as far as symptoms goes for Hemangiosarcoma and not just what the “VETS” or so called “Experts” say the symptoms are because there has to be more for people to notice. Maybe what I noticed in Moe wouldn’t have made a difference. It may or may not have been anything I will never know now but if I can help someone else save their pet from what I feel might have been something to not over look then maybe I can make a difference in their lives.
I know the answers to most every question I ask myself expect one… Why did this have to happen to my Moebert?